Last night something changed in my life.
We were in the midst of one of the most meaningful times of worshipping the Lord corporately in song I had been in in a long time. God spoke directly to my heart as we were singing, and I fell on my face before Him. I had known for quite some time that there was something in my life that I had never done–a step I had never taken. I always sat in sermons and knew that there was a reality of victory that I had never tasted. I had always felt like it was just a simple step away to truly grasp and live as though I believed the promises of God, and yet it seemed so hard. Or maybe I just wasn’t willing.
Last night, God spoke to my heart and I realized that the time to fully surrender was then or never. In desperation I fell on my face and without looking back, I surrendered everything. Everything. I had thought that I had taken that step before, but I knew last night, when I felt what full and complete surrender to my God really looked like, that I was taking a step God had been asking me to take for a long time, but I had ignored the fact to an extent that it felt subconscious.
My heart broke before the Lord as I cried and poured myself into His hands. I stood to my feet again and raised my hand in worship as the Spirit moved in those around me. It was then, about five minutes after I had given up my frenzied grip on my life and the things of this world I felt I needed to keep a hold on, that an amazing freedom and washing away of burdens swept over me.
And at that moment a smile broke out on my face. A smile from the heart. I was full of joy unspeakable and fully of glory (1 Peter 1:8). The joy of the Lord was bubbling from deep inside of me and I was physically unable to contain it–tears of pure joy were filling my eyes. The Lord had given me sweet peace and joy, and that smile was straight from Him–I knew it was a smile from God, because I couldn’t have gotten it off my face if I had wanted to. It was stuck on there for the rest of the evening, and even as I tried to sleep last night, it was inhibiting my sleep because it’s not exactly natural to sleep with a huge smile on your face. *smile*
I was filled with a praise and adoration for my King that was beyond almost everything I had ever experienced before.
Oh, Sweet Jesus, thank You for Your faithfulness which is beyond all measure–human mind cannot fathom Your faithfulness to those who surrender their lives fully to You!
My life changed last night. I am living a life of full and complete surrender to the Lord–in a way I never really thought possible on this earth. It’s already an adventure, and I’m already feeling the displeasure of the enemy. It’s amazing. Even if I must walk this road alone–I have Jesus dwelling inside of me, and I in Him!
I am so grateful, though, that I am not living this life alone. I have so many people around me who encourage and inspire me to deeper and fuller life in Christ–not allowing any “spiritual flab” to reign in my life.
I love my Lord so much–I don’t have words.