Tonight has been a sweet night alone with my Jesus. I came upstairs in the girls’ dorm to my little nook by the window to edit the soon-to-be-published Set-Apart Girls’ Magazine, and it turned into a sweet time of worship and adoration. I could hardly focus on editing, because the articles I was reading were exactly what God has been speaking to me lately–and oh! my heart simply thrilled to once again know God’s confirmation, conviction, and inspiration like I did tonight during the editing process.
For the past few weeks, God has been taking me on a stretching journey in several ways. I haven’t really been able to talk or write about it–not just because I wasn’t free to, but because my heart is so overflowing with it all that it’s been hard to enunciate it into any understandable form. So far, it just hasn’t been time to let it out of my heart where God has been having it steep. Last night, though, it was time to start putting actual words to what God has been working.
I opened Pages on my trusty Macbook, Felix, and began to write. I started to tear up as what has been so dear to my heart lately flowed onto the page in words. I read it and was deeply impacted all over again–God spoke to me yet again, through the words He was saying through my typing fingers.
So far, all I can say is that this is going to be one big document.
But, I’m absolutely thrilled for how God is piecing all of this together–one day I will be able to look back at this and see the at least a portion of the bigger picture. I can’t see it yet, but . . . part of the picture that I’m truly grasping right now is that God works in mysterious ways.
God has challenged me on a lot of things lately. I have really struggled with some of these things. God has asked things of me that I have turned a cold shoulder to–“That’s too hard, God . . . don’t ask that!” I plead. I’m not happy to admit this, but . . . I’ve had to face that this has been fact in my life. I have not accepted these challenges with a ready and willing spirit, willing to give my all for the renown of my King. There has been grumbling and complaining, there has been fear. But gently, with the tender patience and relentlessness of a lover, God has been working on this rough-edged heart of mine and showing me the beauty of life in Him. The beauty of death in Him.
God has called me to die daily. Sometimes I fight it, sometimes I embrace it. Oh, that I would always choose the latter!
My life is to be a life-time of dying for Christ–perhaps not physical, literal death (although, the thought of that holds no fear for me, either) . . . but, in whatever way God asks me to die for Him, that is the path I choose to sprint towards. God is developing in me a supernatural desire to die for Him–this sounds really strange to say . . . that’s where the “supernatural” comes in. It definitely isn’t my natural tendency ! But, whatever God asks of me, that is my desire–whether it be physical death, or simply laying down my life and dying to every fleshly desire that still vies for a place in the throne room.
Either way, death to me is involved. Me, you better prepare yourself for an even greater ravaging than you’ve ever experienced before!