A life truly poured out for Christ?
Oh, that is my heart’s desire, and yet how far I still find myself falling from that reality.
I am going to be dreadfully honest with you right now–there are two things that have been a hindrance in my life, and I’ve finally come to a place where I’m willing to admit it to myself:
I am woefully attached to my sleep–oh! so attached. It’s ridiculous, really, but I literally feel unable to get out of bed in the mornings when my alarm clock goes off. I go to bed with the best of intentions, I set my alarm with the full intention of getting up and coming to the secret place with my Jesus, I go to bed early. And yet, time and time again, I find myself not being able to get out of my bed. No, it doesn’t happen every morning–but far too often for it to not make me mad. I’m honestly mad about it–I feel like it’s something that the enemy is using in my life, and I haven’t figured out how to exert the strength I know I have available to me in Christ, and yet I’m determined. Those hours are precious to me, and I refuse to allow anything to come between me and my time with Jesus–searching Him, knowing Him, learning of Him, talking to Him, listening to Him, studying Him.
I waste a lot of time. There are various ways that I waste a lot of time (did I mention I love sleep?), but a big one, I’ve realized, is through the internet. I don’t spend near the amount of time idly online as I used to, and yet I’ve realized that there is still so much time spent online that I could take captive and use for other things. I choose to cut out all of my idle internet time (there is still stuff I have to use it for for work, but that isn’t “idle” time). I choose to take those hours spent each week and use them for the glory of God!
I love spending time with my Jesus. When I do get up in the early hours of the morning and spend those hours with Him, watching the rising of the sun come and light the day, and allowing the Son to light my day–ah, the things I learn of Him! I find it to be exceptionally fulfilling to take a day and consciously surrender each moment to Him to use as He wishes . . . fulfilling in a way that would make no sense to this world–because how could surrendering every area of your life and every moment of your day to God be fulfilling? Oh! it is.
And yet, how often I find myself wanting to sleep instead, and wanting to just….do other things. What is wrong with me? The enemy is very tactful in making things other than a life lived for God sound very appealing. But, no more! I’ve seen the tactics of the enemy, and I choose to exert the strength that is in Christ and don the armor of God and to sling the enemies darts right back at him.
I know I have been through all this before, but I have reckoned the truth in Christ. I choose to look ahead to fact and truth–experience is not fact. I won’t look at experience, but I will in faith step forward to grasp the truth of life in Christ . . . and experience will follow behind it. I have seen it happen before, and I’m thrilled to see it happen again. My God is faithful and I put utter trust in Him. Sounds foolish to some, but ah, I have seen experience follow when faith is placed in the truth of Christ’s Word.
What a glorious reality!