One Year Later

One year ago this week, I got really sick. Throughout the year, I’ve only gotten worse physically. It’s *hard* to live one day to the next right now.

“But! I don’t like to think about it in those terms. I don’t like to think about most things in the way that us earthly beings normally think about things… ;) God’s way of thinking is much better! So, instead I dwell on the fact that I’ve had a year of intense training of what it is to be utterly dependent on God for every step of the way. I’ve had a year of getting to clearly see HIS strength, because I have none of my own, and yet each day is a miracle when I can get out of bed and function somewhat normally. I’ve had a year of learning what it is to glorify God in every aspect of my life, regardless of situation or how *I* think my life should look.”

(I wrote the above in an email to a blog reader, and it was such a joy to realize the beauty that comes even in such hard times as these. Thank you, Jesus!)

A life of miracles.

I posted the below, and then was spending some time in prayer, and I wanted to come back and clarify some things: (And spend some more time praising the Lord, because . . . how can I not? ;) )

Though my earthly body is decaying (aren’t we all?), I am in Christ and being renewed day by day IN HIM. There is no worry or fear in my life–there cannot be, because that is not walking in the light. And where God is, there can be no darkness for He cannot dwell with darkness.

I am walking forward in full faith and the knowledge of Truth. I want to give no room to the enemy by placing any importance or headline space to that which is not true, pure, right, clean, praise-worthy, virtuous, of good report, and full of Jesus.

Rejoice, my friends, for we have hope. We have Light. We have Life…and that more abundantly! And again, I say, rejoice!

LIVING in HIM,
Grace

*******

Original Post:

My physical body is dying.

I don’t talk about it in such blunt terms very much publicly (nor, as someone said to me earlier when I mentioned it to them, do I mention it much privately). And I probably won’t mention it much again on this blog after this.

I don’t mean to sound as though I’m merely resigned to the inevitable, or like I’m trying to get a reaction. Neither is true…far from it!

I serve a God who is in complete control and never messes up and has already gained the victory over all, and I rest joyfully in that. It’s a “peace which passes understanding”, really.

My whole life for the past 7-ish months has been completely supernatural from one day to the next. I honestly feel like I’ve been living a miracle every day.

When I was able to continue working and keeping up with responsibilities of life in spite of what I was facing, that was a miracle. When I was able to continue getting out of bed each morning, that was a miracle. When I couldn’t do anything without help, but still had a smile on my face and joy in my heart, that was a miracle.

And it still is. Even these days when I barely make it out of bed–I’m still living a miracle.

And I love it.

I don’t love being sick and in pain day after day or being faced with the fact that my physical body is dying, but as I’ve said on this blog many times: Anything that brings me to my knees before my Saviour is a beautiful thing and something for which I’m thankful.

Living a life of miracles from one moment to the next, well . . . I’m not sure I can truly put words to what it’s like. I wish everyone could know what it’s like–seeing Christ the way I do from day to day. And I long to see and know more of Him every day. More of You in my life, Lord!

Even though I whined all day yesterday about how I wish my birthday would wait to show up until I’m healthy, the inevitable can’t be stopped. ;)

Today, 25 years ago, I was born for a purpose: to glorify God. And what an honor it is to carry such a job description!

I know this may seem like a depressing post to write on one’s birthday–revealing these things about how my physical health is doing. Oh! but it’s not. I’m excited about what the Lord is doing and I’m thrilled to see each and every day just how faithful He truly is!

I’m not perfect. I get weary in the battle sometimes and turn inward–taking my eyes off the One who is in control. I give into discouragement and fear sometimes. I whine and cry in frustration.

But He so gently reminds me of truth over and over. And truth never changes. The promises of the Lord never result in failure. Victory is His! Even death is swallowed up in that victory!

And so it is, here on my birthday as I lay in bed, too weak to do much more than this, that I cry out “I love You, Lord!”

(I realize this may come as a shock to some of you, and there are probably a lot of question marks dancing around in front of you right now as to what is actually going on with me physically since this may be the first you’ve heard of me being sick. I don’t want you to worry or come up with made-up ideas as to what may be going on. If you want to know a few more details, please feel free to email me at acrossfields@gmail.com …don’t just sit there thinking the worst! :) Please know that I do have hope of recovery and the Lord has already granted much wisdom and guidance in everything–doctors, friends, insights, supplements, testing, and the like.)

Strength Through Weakness

I don’t think I’ve talked much about the various health things I’ve dealt with throughout my life, and I’m not going to go in it much right now. But, I have had health issues in the past and I still do today. In some ways things have gotten better, and in some ways it seems like things get worse almost every day.

These health issues I’ve dealt with have been one of the biggest blessings of my life. And I’m not kidding when I say that. I’m not saying that merely because it’s a good, spiritual-sounding thing to say. I say it merely because it is true.

I am a strong-willed personality who doesn’t want to have anyone else go out of their way to do anything for me. I’d prefer to just be self-sufficient, and not bother anyone. I realized that this had carried over even into my relationship with the Lord. Ooooh, it cannot be. I refused to stand for it. I longed to be truly dependent on the Lord.

Well. That happened, praise the Lord! Pain and weakness have a way of knocking someone to their knees in desperation before the Lord, and it’s a sweet, sweet thing.

I know I still have an endless frontier of growth ahead of me in this area, but the way these health issues have come up throughout my life has been one of the best things that could happen to me. I am a weak, weak person with a God whose strength knows no bounds. Oh, glorious thought!

I have hard days, though. Days where I would love to be able to talk with someone else who knows exactly what it is like to live each day in pain, sometimes barely able to even get out of bed. I’d like to have someone in the same boat who can kick me where I need to be kicked and point me back to Jesus and tell me to stop wallowing in self-pity. I’d like to be able to encourage other people who are in the same sorts of situations.

So, the other day I was pondering some things and an idea came smashing into my thought processes. Hello.

I started a forum. Something I’ve never done before, but I’m really excited about it.

It is:

– a place for Christian folks who are dealing with (or have in the past) various health issues
– a place of encouragement and pointing each other to Christ
– a place to share tips and insights
– a place to share how we can be praying for each other
– a place where Christ-centered focus is a must

It is not:

– a place to wallow in discouragement
– a place to throw pity parties
– a place to try to garner pity from other members
– a place to diagnose peoples problems

If it veers off into any of the directions of the “not” category, it will be put to a stop. I won’t stand for it, and won’t be able to handle it. Who needs to go to a place where discouragement and self-pity reigns supreme? :P

So, all that to say….if you have dealt with health issues at any point in your life, I would love it if you would join our merry little group over at Strength Through Weakness. Come be encouraged. Come share and encourage. Come seek Jesus with us!